First journey with
our Baby!
Another one of my attempts to re-start my attempt at
blogging – and this is as special as something can get.
Cheesy as it may sounds – this is my most special experience
with my most special someone. An experience you cannot picture. An experience
that will turn out to be new with every day and every moment.
“Take it as it comes” – is a spoiler for parenthood. It’s
more like looking forward to it every moment of it. It’s not to prepare for,
it’s to anticipate. Attempts at decoding it, is probably not the smartest
things one can do. This is a roller coaster – and I know it from what I have
seen, in mothers young and old around me, and the stories I hear.
And well, here I am again (taking up to write this post
after 4 months of having finished the first para above)… hmmppphhhh!
Writing now when I’m towards the end of the beginning! We
should be expecting the little life to come our way in the next few weeks. Last
few months have been an incredible experience of creating this little life. I
was told to journal this experience with every passing day and moment – and I
have not been religious in doing it. Something I think I will always regret.
BUT, this is not a time for regrets. This is a time of building dreams for the
little joy that’s coming our way.
We are still in awe of the fact that there is a little
person growing inside me. Almost every morning we wake up and wonder, “there is
a baby in the tummy” – we are all smiles and dreamy. The feeling of little
movements inside of you, the kicks and the moves are absolutely stunning! How
can it be? How is it possible that there is another being inside you taking
shape every moment?
“Planning” a baby
Was I someone who wanted to be a mother, someone with the
“motherly craving” of wanting a baby – the answer is no. Did I really “want”
the baby and the answer again is no. Yes, I guess the reader may find this
really weird. Why would I be having a baby if I didn’t want it; and why and how
am I so happy about it. Well, I definitely did want it – at some point.
For me it was not about wanting to have a baby alone – it
was about wanting to have the experience of having a baby with A. The
motivation was him – doing something that special with him. We have a lifetime
together, a lifetime of creating joy for each other and a lifetime of new
experiences with each other. And THIS is unquestionably going to be the most
adventurous of it all!
Having it now is just a practicality, it could be now or it
could be later. And then again why should happiness wait J It’s better now than
later.
The Beginning, the
Awe! (the B before the A…)
The beginning for us was the “ricegrain” – our first
ultrasound, our first glimpse of the baby (if I may call it so), our first
moment, our first smile. This was the time – where we walk in not knowing, that
this would become THE most special moment of our 9 month journey.
I have seen a few videos on how life inside creates itself
in this period of 9 months. And there is no answer to the “how” of it. Yes,
ofcourse science can answer it – but not really I think.
I have been through mountains of feelings in these past
months. From not knowing how we should feel when we discovered our pregnancy to
now where we are simply elated! There has been joy, anxiety, self - doubt,
pride. There have been moments of absolute calm and confidence and there have
been moments of “why and what have we gotten into!” and everything ends with a
smile – a smile only a little new life can bring. A smile that comes from pure
joy of having a baby, a smile that can replace no other happiness, smile of
being content. I will call it the “divine smile”.
Being fat - being
pregnant… (nope there are no tips
here)
From not even knowing what it’s going to be like physically,
let’s just say, emotionally you are going to be far from knowing it. There was
a lot of anxiety in my mind on how my body is going to change. I was terrified
of becoming a big round ball by the end of it.
Yes its childish one might say. I had seen two sides of it –
the hot celeb moms and the moms you see on a daily basis who have only pictures
of them being “oh so slim”! While I have never been a size zero or a bikini
body, I have never been “fat” to a point of being uncomfortable with myself. So
yes, this was a big anxiety, and my doc gave it to me straight – your body will
change, it will be like you have never known it to be.
The battle was my own I thought, but I was never alone in it,
neither was it ever a battle.
I did my yoga, tried to keep a good diet, did my walks and
well it all helped. I look like myself and I get complimented for not putting
on weight! Haha (and some pride here)! Ofcourse I did put on a good 8-10 kgs
and maybe a little more is to come. The anxiety doesn’t end here, cos now I
wonder, what about weight gain post pregnancy, it’s a never ending fear so I
will leave it to it.
I cannot finish this part without giving credit to 2 people,
first, my husband who watched what I ate, who encouraged me to stay me, and who
let me binge. And, ofcourse, my yoga instructor who guided us towards a healthy
pregnancy. Who would ask us every second class if we were taking enough calcium
and iron and protein and check our weight every week, shout at us for putting
on too much and pat us on the back for the weeks we didn’t!
The moves, the kicks,
the dancing!!
The most fun part of the pregnancy - is feeling the little
wonderful movements inside of you and trying to visualise what these movement are
like on the inside. A fluttering of arms, a little jiggle, the cycling kick or
the dancing rumble! They start real small, and you can feel it only when you
are lying down with complete calm and then you feel the little flutters like a
butterfly in the stomach – only this butterfly is moving inside - literally! Then
they become bigger. And more fun! I have broken into laughter in the middle of
a conference call cos of the movements! I have almost jumped with surprise on a
dinner table! I have waited for the movements every morning – and they would
start religiously at 9.30 in the morning when I’m driving on my way to work –
my little companion with me to work J
oh what joy!! Then they become really BIG – you can see your stomach move, you
get hit on your bladder, you can feel the fight for space. I have never had to
count or watch out for 10 movements in 24 hour rule – they have always been on
a high – touchwood!
The Ups and Downs and
the Upside down!
My pregnancy has been touchwood smooth sailing. I have been
one of those few lucky ones who escaped the morning sickness, the nausea, and 2
in the morning cravings. I know friends who have been through it and it takes a
toll on you. While your body is already going through a lot making the baby,
the hormones don’t make the job any easy. I had my own share with acidity that
made me feel so helpless wanting to pull my insides out! To pour water or curd
whatever it takes to subdue the acids! With all the remedies that there are -
nothing helps!
It’s a tough road, it’s what lies at the end of it that
makes it all worth the distance! So while we have been blessed with a
relatively easier road, it’s not done until its done. For us the last 8 weeks
of the pregnancy seem to be all uphill and downhill.
The one thing (out of many) that I have wanted in my
pregnancy is a natural normal birth. Something until my 32 weeks I could see
materializing. Then come week 34 and my baby went into a transverse lie! I was
(as exaggerated as it may sound) devastated! This meant I was looking at a
planned C-sec! This meant no full squats for me – something I was looking
forward to in my yoga classes!
R came to our rescue then. With her optimism and her
motivation started the exercises she recommended and believed would help us!
While everyone was sceptical about the exercises I was doing (add picture) –
including me, she kept me motivating that I must do it. The first bi-weekly
visit to the doc and the baby was still transverse. I became more regular in my
exercises and VOILA! Whether it was the exercise, the optimism or simple
coincidence – it’s all credit to R that the baby was back in head down position.
My doc was happy to see the not-worried-anymore-me J
Turns out we have a naughty one inside. You can never be at
rest with it. While it went back to its normal “ideal” head down position, it
was a matter of days that it went from anterior to being posterior. So while it
wasn’t as bad as a transverse, it had its share of chances between a natural
birth and the not natural birth.
The word “chances” is now hence, playing strongly in my mind
– cos with the tiny ones inside, you never know what they are upto. Just like
free lunches, there are no guarantees in this world ;) Now its wait and watch
for us in our last two weeks.
Wait and watch!
While we know the baby can come anytime now, somewhere we
know she is going to make us wait until the last day and will not be the one to
come out on its own. She will need to be coaxed. She is a special one!
