The Arrival

And out she came crying out loud! She didn’t need to be made to cry and I could see a little girl with a mind of her own. She didn’t care of positions or dates. She came out when she wanted to and well seemed like she tried to come out in her own new way – but well that wasn’t to be J Our little girl arrived on the 20^th of March 2015. And like they all say, the world just changed!

We were asked by everyone who came to visit, “how does it feel?” and we looked at each other realising, neither of us cried at the birth of our child and neither did we have the feeling of being overwhelmed. We did worry about it – but just for a fleeting second. We realised we knew and were waiting for this moment for the last 9 months! We knew she was coming! We had visualised on how we would sleep with her in between us on the bed. We were overwhelmed! More than one can imagine. And this overwhelming joy grew in us over 9 months. It didn’t and doesn’t happen in a day.

Then came the question of feeling all “motherly” - this one stumped me. I didn’t think I felt any motherly feelings oozing out of me. I thought and rationalised myself that Im too practical a person and Bollywood motherly doesn’t happen to me. Here I was so wrong I didn’t realise. Realisation hit me over a few days – and the first one being on day 12 when we decided to pierce her ears. I took a video of the entire thing with absolute steady hands.  I didn’t hold her in my arms for the piercing knowing somewhere I wouldn’t be able to handle it – but in denial. I have never seen the videos. They were for my husband who wasn’t around for it and all I could do for the day was cry and keep holding back my tears. And then with every passing day after that holding her in my arms kept melting me down.  Motherhood hit me. She became my world. Seeing her made me cry and laugh at the same time. (a lot of it Im sure was the hormonal upheaval – but again I wouldn’t rationalise this further)

I found my joy! I found my motherhood! I held the cuteness in my arms and it seemed like she held me in hers. Her little hands on my hand assuring me I’m doing fine. A million emotions passing through you everyday of motherhood and when I sit down to write about it – I can’t collect them all, can’t capture them!