And out she came crying out loud! She didn’t need to be made
to cry and I could see a little girl with a mind of her own. She didn’t care of
positions or dates. She came out when she wanted to and well seemed like she tried
to come out in her own new way – but well that wasn’t to be J Our little girl
arrived on the 20th of March 2015. And like they all say, the world
just changed!
We were asked by everyone who came to visit, “how does it
feel?” and we looked at each other realising, neither of us cried at the birth
of our child and neither did we have the feeling of being overwhelmed. We did
worry about it – but just for a fleeting second. We realised we knew and were
waiting for this moment for the last 9 months! We knew she was coming! We had
visualised on how we would sleep with her in between us on the bed. We were
overwhelmed! More than one can imagine. And this overwhelming joy grew in us
over 9 months. It didn’t and doesn’t happen in a day.
Then came the question of feeling all “motherly” - this one
stumped me. I didn’t think I felt any motherly feelings oozing out of me. I
thought and rationalised myself that Im too practical a person and Bollywood motherly
doesn’t happen to me. Here I was so wrong I didn’t realise. Realisation hit me
over a few days – and the first one being on day 12 when we decided to pierce
her ears. I took a video of the entire thing with absolute steady hands. I didn’t hold her in my arms for the piercing
knowing somewhere I wouldn’t be able to handle it – but in denial. I have never
seen the videos. They were for my husband who wasn’t around for it and all I could
do for the day was cry and keep holding back my tears. And then with every
passing day after that holding her in my arms kept melting me down. Motherhood hit me. She became my world. Seeing
her made me cry and laugh at the same time. (a lot of it Im sure was the
hormonal upheaval – but again I wouldn’t rationalise this further)
I found my joy! I found my motherhood! I held the cuteness
in my arms and it seemed like she held me in hers. Her little hands on my hand
assuring me I’m doing fine. A million emotions passing through you everyday of
motherhood and when I sit down to write about it – I can’t collect them all,
can’t capture them!
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